Up and Down

As much as I enjoy making videos, the problem continues to be me not having enough time in the day, not only just to keep up with the video-making upkeep but to have time for myself as well. This is evidenced by the “Things I Enjoyed This Week” section below, in contrast to the “Videos I Posted This Week” section. Not only is the section so small in comparison, but the three things I do mention are all things I previously mentioned as well. So I just haven’t had time to experience much new entertainment in a while, which is unfortunate considering a goal of mine was always to expose myself to more movies/tv/games/music and it can all sort of get lost in the shuffle when I have so much on my plate.

That’s why ideally my career would allow me to talk about all of this regularly, so that I could spend pretty much all of my time focused on things that I love. That would be a dream for me, anyway. Being able to devote myself fully to my passions, without being bogged down by everyday monotony in a space that more or less drains creative energy. Because as it stands right now I know that realistically the amount of time and effort that I put into these passion projects isn’t exactly sustainable in the long term since it can be draining to do on top of my actual work and consumes the large majority of my free time. But the level of enjoyment and satisfaction that I get from it is undeniable, to the point that I can’t help but imagine this kind of outlet being in place of my work and wanting to make that happen. At this point I realize that I don’t want to continue having to deal with an unfulfilling work life in conjunction with a fulfilling but unprofitable use of my free-time forever, so the goal for me is to work towards combining the two, or at least reaching the best compromise imaginable.

Mentally, I don’t know, I’m just kind of stagnant at this point. Not noticeably super down but not noticeably super happy either. I think I’ve just leveled out for the time being at a point in depression where I’m not emotionally devastated all the time like I was a few months ago, but I’m also not often on cloud nine either. I have my ups and downs pretty rapidly sometimes, and that may have to do with the disparity between the two sides of my life that I was just talking about here. I can go from a monotonous day at work to a fun time recording/planning videos in a matter of hours, so with that my mood can go up and down a large scale fairly easily. So here’s to finding that balance, and here’s to reaching my ideal career.