As I sit here I am freezing cold. The fact that just a couple of days ago it was hot and now it’s cold, that’s pretty wild. We went from sweaty weather to sweater weather real quick, and my clothing choices have not quite caught up to the changes yet either. I’m in a damn tank top over here. I’m up writing this in the early morn, colder than I’ve been in a long while, because I literally didn’t possess the energy to go on after editing a video late into the night last night (and I won’t have any time to write this for the rest of the day today). So I’m here, colder and more exhausted than I’ve been for some time, just writing whatever comes to mind since I had nothing specifically planned to write about. But hey, that’s the beauty of life or some shit.
Can we talk about how cold it is right now, though, for real? It’s legitimately 48 degrees outside right now, which for some reason translates to it being even colder indoors for me. I am not nearly equipped enough to fight this fight; I should be cozied up with multiple layers and hunkered down, but ain’t nobody got time for that because I’ve got to write this blog, finish uploading my video, and then get ready to fly over to work in just a couple of hours. I really feel so spent right now, it’s hard to be motivated during these times.
Naturally this is going to be a shorter blog, so I guess I’ll take this time to give another update on where my head is at exactly. The past few weeks I’ve really just had this overarching feeling of “I need to get out of here.” Not just in the sense that I’m unhappy with where I’m at in life, which I’ve established before on these blogs, but more-so in the sense that I just have this feeling of not wanting to be cooped up for too long. Not so much in the freezing cold like this, but in the nice weather we’ve had for the past few weeks I’ve definitely taken the opportunity just to go outside at random points, whether it be at night or in the day. A lot of the time it tends to be at night that I get this urge to go outside and at least get some fresh air because me being cooped up in a small room for too long tends to not be a fun combo lately.
I haven’t been all that shy about the fact that I am a bit of an emotional wreck these days. I mean, this past week in particular hasn’t been particularly bad comparatively, but it’s something I continue to deal with. Mostly what I mean by “emotional wreck” is that in general I tend to get emotional over things far more easily than I used to. I could be in a fine mood one minute but then something often largely insignificant could happen that just wrecks my mood for a period of time. And on top of that, I just feel sad in general way more than I’d like to (or should). This is all stuff I’ll have to continue to work on, but I would like to at least note that I am incredibly grateful for my support base of friends and family during these times as well. Not only do I have a good group of friends that are consistently there for me in general, but this past week especially, since I have frustratingly been without a car, they have all been giving me rides at crucial times when I otherwise would have been screwed. I feel bad because this past week I have been like a bum trying to hitch a ride every day, and I’m so out of the way for most people so it’s a real inconvenience, but they have been there for me nonetheless so I am definitely grateful for that.
That being said, it’s frustrating being without a car. It feels like just another setback for me which I really can’t afford right now. The thing is, I have no need or interest in a nice car, I just need one that functions. As long as I can get from one place to another with some amount of safety, that’s all I care about. And yet, my 2003 Toyota Solara isn’t doing too hot for me now and I’m not sure where to go from here. I hate depending on people and being an inconvenience, but that’s just where I’m at until I can figure something out unfortunately. But of course that’s just a minor distraction in the grand scheme of things. I have so much about my life that I still want/need to change in order to better myself and get myself in a happier place, and I need to get started on that pronto.