Thanks for all of the support over the past week. Over 100 people have at least viewed my first blog post to some extent, which is crazy to think about. I am a fairly open and public person but it was really personal so I was still a little nervous to put it out there since I didn’t know how receptive everyone would be to it, or if anyone would even care at all. But since I posted it people have continued to reach out, from family to online friends to people who I haven’t seen since college. And I truly appreciate it. As silly as it sounds, it’s nice to see that there are still nice people out there. A little bit of kindness goes a long way, so it means a lot that anyone would care enough to reach out.
It’s honestly been really eye-opening for me that while this group of people that I saw pretty much every week for over a year won’t even speak to me now, there are people who I only had the slightest of interactions with who have come out of the woodwork just to give me their support. I don’t know what the lesson is there exactly, but it’s something. As much as my focus is/was on moving forward, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping there was a small chance that someone, anyone from that group would see the post and use it as an opportunity to reflect on what they did and reach out to me like they should have done to begin with. But nope. Not a single one. If any of them decide to contact me in the future, the door is still open since I’m not so cruel as to burn bridges entirely like them, even if I am the one who has been mistreated. But I’ve wasted enough mental energy on these people and I can’t wait around hoping they will do the right thing anymore. I have to move forward. So now it’s full-steam ahead, I guess. 2020 is practically null and void for me.
BUT, I’m glad to say that I feel like I’m in a much better place than I was a week ago. Which make sense I guess, the farther removed I am from this whole experience the better I should be feeling. In theory, at least. But I don’t think I would have made any progress without all of the kindness I received this past week. On top of that I’ve had the opportunity to meet some pretty amazing people over the last few weeks, which is refreshing. As difficult as I’ve found this whole traumatic experience to understand, I have to believe that some good will come out of all of it and maybe some of that silver lining is meeting these people I wouldn’t have met otherwise.
The most important factor in maintaining my sanity has been keeping busy. I feel like idle time is harmful to my mental health at the moment, so being able to work on creative things and have a fuller schedule has been really helpful for me. I’m writing these blogs, I’m editing videos, and I’m planning future creative projects on top of therapy, spending time with the people I care about, and just enjoying the things I enjoy. In addition to all of this I really need to get working on my resume-/portfolio-building so that I can truly move forward, but that’s a story for another day.
As wild as it sounds, ever since all of this happened I have really had the itch to just go away for a while and be by myself with nature, maybe in a nice log cabin with some books to read and a notebook to journal in. No technology, no worries, just me. Considering pretty much all of my hobbies and the things I am most passionate about revolve around the internet in some way, this would be quite a departure for me, but I really think it could be refreshing. As much as I like being around people, to be able to get away from everything for a while would be fascinating at the very least. Just a thought.
Alright, I guess that’s it for now. I’m making as much progress as I can. I am cautiously optimistic about the future. Thanks for everything.