I think I’ll have reached true happiness once I can have days where I do basically nothing and still feel content at the end of the day. I imagine this is a somewhat common feeling, but I’ll have these days where I decide to laze around the whole day, and at first it might seem like a good idea, but then after the fact I feel bad about accomplishing nothing of value. Even if it was a fun time, I’m still a bit hard on myself, like did I really just waste a whole day when I could have been working on this or that? This is just a thought I had recently, that once I’m at a point where I can shake that feeling, I think I’ll be in a good place in life. As much as I want to say that I deserve to have lazy days for myself, and to some extent I do, I can’t help but think of how much more progress I could have made on everything that I want to work towards if I had just been a little more productive each day.
But maybe that’s just me. Everyone says to live life with no regrets, but I have a lot of regrets. I can’t help it. There are just a lot of things I look back on and think if I just did this little thing different here or there then my quality of life would be significantly better than where I’m at today. A lot of it is stupid stuff that I should probably forget about, but a lot of it ultimately stems from me not fully appreciating my experiences and living more in the moment. And in that regard, I feel like I would never be able to improve my life if I didn’t have these regrets. But there’s a better balance in there somewhere, I’ve gotta let at least some of it go.
Let me just meander back to the subject of “lazy” days. This ties into something I mentioned in a previous blog, which is that “keeping busy” has been helpful for me, especially recently. Having too much to do is much more preferable to having nothing to do because depression takes its toll the most when you have nothing but your thoughts and a lot of time on your hands. I love video games, movies, and TV but ironically I find myself having less time for those things because I’m spending so much time making/editing videos where I talk about them. In an ideal world I would be able to devote all of my time to consuming this media and making videos about it, because that’s really what I am most passionate about. In fact, one of the next things I want to do is get back to making videos for my solo channel which I haven’t done in over a year. I’ve got a lot of ideas for it but it will be quite an undertaking considering I already spend a lot of my free time editing videos for my other channel and this will be even more work to add to my plate. But hey, gotta keep busy, right?
I feel like I was a bit all over the place with this one, not too much to talk about. I never really know what I’m going to write about until I start typing these things. I wish I had more interesting stuff that I could write about, but that’s just where I’m at right now. I’ll hopefully be taking time off from work in a couple of weeks, so that should be good. With all that time on my hands, that’s where the true test comes in. Man vs depression. Can man keep busy enough to combat it? Stay tuned. As always, I appreciate you all.