Complacency

Oof, I’m rushing to get this blog out in time yet again, but this time I’m outside for it! And what nice weather it is for it, even at 11:30 at night. Ever since I’ve gotten that “active” bug again, I’ve taken pretty much any excuse to go outside that I can get. The only thing stopping me from doing more videos outside is the onslaught of bugs in the particular area I have to do them in. If I could find a local peaceful area that I could set up in real quick to do some nice relaxing videos that would be great. I really just need a place where I can set my laptop and lil tripod and I’ll be set. You might have noticed nothing but Tarqaron videos the past couple of weeks and no videos on my solo channel, and that certainly hasn’t gone unnoticed by me. The reality of the situation is that I already coop myself up for a few hours to do Tarqaron videos on my day off, and since I’m not really able to run air conditioning while doing videos because of the obnoxious background noise, I’d just rather not sweat in a small space for longer than I have to. That’s why outside would be my preferred area for filming videos whenever possible, so that I can at least be out in the fresh air and heat rather than sitting in a small, hot room. So once I iron out these pesky logistics of making videos, I’ll be golden. In the mean time there has been no shortage of videos really, they’ve all just been in the Tarqaron format.

As much as I appreciate the small victories like breathing some fresh air, I continue to struggle with feeling like a failure and having regrets about many aspects of my life. As long as I remain complacent as I have been in many ways, I think I’ll continue to feel this way in one way or another. Complacency can really bog you down, and for someone like me who is most happy when I can express my creativity, complacency is a true killer. The monotonous, uncreative elements of my life wear on me and can be really draining at times. I enjoy the fun little activities and video things I do each week, and being around people I enjoy spending time with, but I feel like I could use a major shake-up in my life to spice things up a bit. There’s a weird paradox where I want to establish more of a routine along with a consistent sleeping schedule, but I also don’t want to be stuck in too much of a routine because I feel like I’m missing out on a lot, and many of my regrets stem from missing out on a lot in the past! I just want to live life to the fullest and I don’t know if I ever truly have.

I need to stop being complacent. I just need to push myself.