Seems like Friday has snuck up on me again! It always does, every time. Not only that, but I just fell asleep as I was sitting here so I’m lucky I even woke up with enough time to write this in time. The fact that I couldn’t help but fall asleep like I just did even though I know I have a lot to do can only be explained as a consequence of burnout, from a combination of overworking myself and not getting enough sleep, of course. If you just look at the sheer difference in output in the “Videos I Posted This Week” section from my blog posts over the last few weeks compared to this one, you can tell that I’m probably a bit exhausted. But hey, I’ll be happy as long as I put out at least a couple of videos a week. This is honestly the amount of videos I was aiming for when I started posting on my solo channel again, so weeks with more than this are a bonus, if anything.

Honestly, I’m really struggling with my place in life at the moment. I’m constantly unsure of my purpose, what I’m meant to do with my life. I have this desire to change a lot of the aspects of my life, but also feel like I have such limited tools with which to do so. I’ve been feeling particularly lonely lately. I just really wish I had someone I could completely confide in and be 100% vulnerable with. And as I get older, it feels less and less likely that I will find that person. That’s a pretty sad perspective, I know, but that’s just how I’m feeling. As much as I feel like I can be pretty open, like with this blog, I’ve never really had my person, a person who I can fully trust who loves me as much as I love them. And as much as it might not look like it, I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I’ve just never had that person, which can be draining, for sure. Every time I find someone who I think could be that person for me, it’s just not reciprocated. And that in and of itself is draining as well. I just feel like I would have been able to navigate life better these past few years, and these past few months especially, if I had someone to share my experience and have that level of comfort with. It’s tough. Maybe I need to focus on finding more happiness for just myself first, but I guess I’m just tired of doing it alone.

I’m really not looking for pity here. And I know I have people in my life who are there for me, but this is a different kind of loneliness, I guess. I know I’m oozing big loser energy here, but I’m just trying to be as up-front as possible. This has always been a difficult aspect of my life for me, since I’ve struggled with it for as long as I can remember, but I’d like to talk about it more moving forward and see if I can crack the code for what I need to do. As with a lot of the things I’ve talked about in little bits and pieces across this series of blogs, I’d like to devote the time to talk about this topic in a more long-form way some time, but who knows when I will do that. Always something to keep in my back pocket, I guess.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Survivor: Vanuatu – Episode 2 (Dolly in the Middle) | Tarqaron Reaction
Reading your comments! (GoT, Grace VanderWaal, Depression, & More)
Shrek | Tarqaron Review (w/ Spoilers)

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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I actually have no idea what to write about this week. I always feel like I’ll be more prepared with something to talk about in the next blog, and then I have less and less to talk about it seems. But hey, that’s just the reality of doing a weekly blog that is as transparent as this is, I guess. Not every week is eventful. Though I concede that most of my weeks are generally uneventful, all things considered. And that’s just another thing I need to work on (doing more things).

Motivation is my biggest problem right now, for sure. In many ways I’ve become complacent and a lot of elements in my life have stagnated, and that’s exactly what I wanted to avoid. I’ve gotta get myself out of this rut and then I can really start making progress. Mentally it’s just so hard. I filmed a follow-up video to the video I did talking about my depression, so hopefully that will give some more insight into what I’m thinking. That should be up within the week.

Since I have nothing to talk about, I won’t even waste your time with nonsense (I considered writing about literal nonsense). I bought New Pokémon Snap on the day it came out and still have yet to play it, and now Mass Effect: Legendary Edition just came out and I bought that as well. I even have problems motivating myself to play video games these days, it seems. My goal is to play ASAP, so I guess that will be my exciting goal for the night. See you next week, I promise I’ll think of more interesting topics.

Videos I Posted This Week:

Reacting to George Carlin – YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS
Survivor: Vanuatu – Episode 1 (Yasurrrr!) | Tarqaron Reaction
Tarqaron All-Stars 2: A Survivor Simulation
Announcing Our Next Movie Review Series! | Tarqaron

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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