Over the last few months, I’ve lost friends but I’ve also gained friends. I’ve experienced some of my lowest lows but have also been given a lot of kindness and support. I know I’ve mentioned this before and it makes sense that I inevitably will repeat myself a lot as I move into double digits of blogs now, but I just want to reiterate that this year has given me a newfound appreciation for any small acts of kindness. It’s so easy to take people’s kindness for granted, but once you experience the polar opposite from people in your life it makes you appreciate that kindness much more. So more than ever I find myself taking the time to appreciate whenever anyone extends an olive branch to check in on me, when someone leaves a nice comment or gives me a nice compliment. Not that I didn’t appreciate these things before, but they just mean even more to me now. It’s crazy how even something as insignificant as someone who I haven’t spoken to in ages liking a post of mine can really be uplifting. A simple act of kindness, even just one click to show your support for someone, can go a long way.

All that being said, obviously a highlight for me this week was uploading videos on my solo channel for the first time in over a year. I never intended to take such a long break, and I never really took a break from videos since I was still uploading on Tarqaron through all that time. They were just different videos. And I’ve put so many years and hundreds of videos into my solo channel so it feels weird to have left it inactive for so long. But at the same time I’m excited to be back to it. Though I will have a lot more on my plate since I have to do the work for two channels now instead of one, my goal is to put less pressure on myself for my solo channel. Whereas before I was focused on primarily reaction-based videos and as a result would have lists of videos that I felt like I needed to get done on any given week so that I wouldn’t fall too far behind, I’m trying to have a more lax approach this time around where I can more freely just kind of talk about whatever I want each week without having to check things off. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a ton of things I want to do for the channel, but I’ll just be taking a more laid-back approach, especially considering how much time it requires for me to edit and post for Tarqaron alone. And definitely nothing is set in stone. I said that reactions aren’t my focus anymore and that’s true, but that doesn’t mean that I’m opposed to ever doing them. I’m really just feeling things out and seeing where I want to go with it. It’ll take some time to get used to recording videos in this style again as well, so forgive me if they aren’t the best videos I’ve ever put out.

I’m excited to see where things will go from here because I’m not even sure myself. It is definitely refreshing, between this blog, the two channels, and anything else I work on, to have all of these creative outlets to pour myself into. I keep bringing up this topic of “keeping busy” but it really is true. It will be a challenge to juggle it all with nearly daily posts at this point but I think it will help to keep me sane and I’m game to see where it takes me.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Survivor: All-Stars – Episode 15 (Pony Ride’s Over) | Tarqaron Reaction
Chance Time – Spin #5 (Paramount Plus) | Tarqaron ft. Rusty
Conclusion to the Gents Challenge 2021 | Tarqaron Discussion ft. Rusty
I’m back
I think I’m in love (and her name is Due Lipa)

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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Somehow Friday seems to always sneak up on me. It feels like just a couple of days ago I was writing my last blog and now here we are again. And again I feel like I have nothing noteworthy to talk about.

This was another pretty unproductive week for me and as much as I hate to say it, I’m again having that feeling that desire to just go away for a while. I was pretty bummed out about certain things for a good portion of the week and as a result spent most of my nights wasting away as I watched tons of YouTube videos. And as much as I do enjoy watching YouTube videos, the difference between “wow, this is fun” and “wow, what have I done with my life for the last three hours?” is easy to miss. So I just really feel like a change of scenery would be good for me. But as with most of the solutions to my problems, it’s just not exactly practical right now, which sucks. I just wish I didn’t feel so tied down sometimes. I fully acknowledge that that can often just be a mental hurdle that I unintentionally put up myself, one that could be overcome if I really put my all into it. It’s just been tough for me lately, trying to keep a good mentality.

I’m not trying to be dramatic here, but I really wish I could live more spontaneously; go on adventures, explore the world, do everything I want to do creatively… just live more, really. I often think about where I’m at in life now and wonder if I haven’t wasted so many years that I could have done more with. Heck, I don’t even wonder, I know that there are plenty of years which I could have made more out of. Especially my college years. But that’s a whole other blog right there. The point is, I do have a lot of regrets related to not living life to the fullest and as much as that weighs on me, I really want to get myself to a place where I feel like I can truly live life to the fullest. If that means making small changes in my life here and there while I’m still where I’m at in life right now then so be it, but the long-term goal is to almost completely change my position in life. More on that later, probably.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Survivor: All-Stars – Episode 14 (Shii-Stans) | Tarqaron Reaction
SUPERtheticals: 50 New Questions for Strange Conversations (#3) | Tarqaron Discussion