Hey there! I’ve got nothing to say, really. I’m doing okay this week, nothing too earth-shattering. I’m still just kind of going through the motions, so once I break that cycle then I’ll have more interesting things to talk about.

A smaller goal of mine at this point is to get myself in the habit of waking up earlier and more consistently so I can have a healthier schedule and fit in more physical activity early in the day. I’m so used to being able to get up later generally, though, that it’s going to be hard to hold myself to it. But I’m confident that once I can consistently get up earlier and have a more reliable schedule, it will be better and healthier for me in the long-run.

I haven’t really had time to play any of the games I’ve been wanting to play more of for a while, and I haven’t had time to catch up on any of the shows I haven’t watched in a while. Once I establish a better schedule hopefully I’ll have more time for everything I want to do in general. I’m still going strong with making videos but I have a lot of ideas that I’ve yet to tap into since my schedule isn’t reliable enough at the moment.

I feel like I keep saying this but my goal now is to have a more interesting topic prepared for next week’s blog. I’ll always do mental health/life updates but ultimately I don’t think there is enough material there to fill full blogs each week, as you can see here. So I think I’ll come up with more focused topics to delve into outside of that to mix things up and add more variety and depth moving forward.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Our April 2021 Favorites! | Tarqaron Discussion
“Dealing” with depression
Survivor: Vanuatu – Episode 3 (Team Twila) | Tarqaron Reaction
We’re reviewing every Shrek movie
Shrek 2 | Tarqaron Review (w/ Spoilers)

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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Seems like Friday has snuck up on me again! It always does, every time. Not only that, but I just fell asleep as I was sitting here so I’m lucky I even woke up with enough time to write this in time. The fact that I couldn’t help but fall asleep like I just did even though I know I have a lot to do can only be explained as a consequence of burnout, from a combination of overworking myself and not getting enough sleep, of course. If you just look at the sheer difference in output in the “Videos I Posted This Week” section from my blog posts over the last few weeks compared to this one, you can tell that I’m probably a bit exhausted. But hey, I’ll be happy as long as I put out at least a couple of videos a week. This is honestly the amount of videos I was aiming for when I started posting on my solo channel again, so weeks with more than this are a bonus, if anything.

Honestly, I’m really struggling with my place in life at the moment. I’m constantly unsure of my purpose, what I’m meant to do with my life. I have this desire to change a lot of the aspects of my life, but also feel like I have such limited tools with which to do so. I’ve been feeling particularly lonely lately. I just really wish I had someone I could completely confide in and be 100% vulnerable with. And as I get older, it feels less and less likely that I will find that person. That’s a pretty sad perspective, I know, but that’s just how I’m feeling. As much as I feel like I can be pretty open, like with this blog, I’ve never really had my person, a person who I can fully trust who loves me as much as I love them. And as much as it might not look like it, I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I’ve just never had that person, which can be draining, for sure. Every time I find someone who I think could be that person for me, it’s just not reciprocated. And that in and of itself is draining as well. I just feel like I would have been able to navigate life better these past few years, and these past few months especially, if I had someone to share my experience and have that level of comfort with. It’s tough. Maybe I need to focus on finding more happiness for just myself first, but I guess I’m just tired of doing it alone.

I’m really not looking for pity here. And I know I have people in my life who are there for me, but this is a different kind of loneliness, I guess. I know I’m oozing big loser energy here, but I’m just trying to be as up-front as possible. This has always been a difficult aspect of my life for me, since I’ve struggled with it for as long as I can remember, but I’d like to talk about it more moving forward and see if I can crack the code for what I need to do. As with a lot of the things I’ve talked about in little bits and pieces across this series of blogs, I’d like to devote the time to talk about this topic in a more long-form way some time, but who knows when I will do that. Always something to keep in my back pocket, I guess.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Survivor: Vanuatu – Episode 2 (Dolly in the Middle) | Tarqaron Reaction
Reading your comments! (GoT, Grace VanderWaal, Depression, & More)
Shrek | Tarqaron Review (w/ Spoilers)

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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