If you ever feel like you have no one to talk to…

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Appreciating Pentatonix’s video for A Little Space ft. ATEEZ

Making An Impact

Blog

I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine the other day and we got to talking about the idea of “making an impact” or “making a mark” on the world, and what we “get” out of doing certain things with our life/career choices. Is it important or helpful to think about things in these terms, or should we just be focusing on what we as individuals enjoy? To what extent, if any, should the impact of your work on others have any bearing on the work that you do? These were the kinds of questions we were throwing around, and I don’t know if there’s necessarily a concrete answer to any of them, but they’re interesting to think about.

I find myself having a hard time relating to people actively pursuing certain careers which, through my eyes, don’t seem to have much impact on the world at large or which don’t allow you to make your own mark, so to speak. Like, I get that certain careers are simply more profitable and that’s that, but what really motivates you then? I’d just really like to get inside the heads of some people to understand their perspective and their motivations that come with that. As a creative, most 9-5 jobs just seem really draining and unrewarding to me. For certain jobs, like medical professionals, it is clear to me how you could get satisfaction out of that work and feel motivated to do what you do. But for most other 9-5s, it’s really hard for me to wrap my head around. But I understand that not everyone has any interest in being an “artist,” so I’d really just like to be able to understand from that angle. Maybe this whole line of thinking is rooted in a belief that I have more to offer the world than what I can do in a 9-5 job. Heck, I don’t know. But I know the typical 9-5 lifestyle is not for me.

My friend would go on to contest that we should not be concerned or waste too much energy worrying about having an impact on the world but rather that we should just be motivated by doing what we want to do. Not to worry about what others think, just to do what we love for ourselves. And I largely agree with this mentality and the sentiment of it. My only qualm with this idea is that I believe we, as artists, inherently want to have an audience and to make an impact on others as a result. In that sense I would argue that all artists are motivated in one way or another by trying to leave their mark and as a result their individual love of their art wouldn’t be able to exist without someone being there to consume it in the first place. While it’s true that over the years I have put out countless things that little to no people seemed to care about, ultimately I love to entertain and to share my opinions so the things I create always feel more validated when people respond or care about them in some way. So while I do put out a lot of videos even though I know they probably won’t get many views in comparison to others, it’s still that idea that someone, somewhere, got something out of them, that is a big motivating factor. Even this blog was mostly started for myself, but I obviously could have kept everything private if I really didn’t care for anyone to read what I have to say. As an artist or a creative it is always so much more rewarding when you hear that what you create is appreciated on some level, even if you feel compelled to create it for your own sanity as well.

Hopefully all these thoughts were coherent and made sense in the way I presented them. Obviously all of these thoughts are formed through the prism of myself as someone who is entrenched in the creative arts side of things so my beliefs are limited in that regard, but hopefully you can understand where I’m coming from. If you have anything to add on the topics of “rewarding” careers or making an impact on the world, don’t hesitate to reach out because I genuinely would like to understand more perspectives and hear additional opinions.

As always I’m dealing with my depression one day at a time, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking during my extended time away from work and I am motivated to make some change happen in my life. Thanks to everyone who continues to be there for me, and to this friend in particular for having this conversation with me and giving me the idea for this week’s blog. Much love to you and yours.

Videos I Posted This Week:

Student suspended for sexist dress code, what happens next is shocking

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

Rude lady does a racism and Dhar Mann appears

Videos

Little Mix’s best album

Music (Zach), Videos

Student suspended for sexist dress code, what happens next is shocking

Videos

Depression Lurks

Blog

Depression can be hard sometimes, man. Just when I start to think I’ve figured some stuff out and am making some progress, it’ll come back and hit me harder than ever. And then I realize, yep, I’m definitely still depressed, though I might have fooled myself into thinking otherwise for a brief moment. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely in a better place than I was a few months ago, but during some particularly tough days it doesn’t feel that way, for sure. Depression has a harsh way of giving you a reality check every so often, just to make sure that you know you’re not out of the woods yet. Depression’s not something you can cure over-night, so it tends to lurk in the background, waiting for its opportunity to strike, even on your best of days.

That being said, I continue to spit-ball ideas on how I can improve. I feel like it can be slightly therapeutic every now and then to just let it all out and be sad for a little while, giving yourself some space to genuinely feel how you feel. But of course too much of that can be taxing as well, and a lot of times when I am in the sad zone I can basically become a zombie with no motivation to do anything, including not only anything productive but often not anything fun as well. I’ll just end up sitting in the same spot for a period of time just listening to sad music and doing nothing. Not a good look, I know. But sometimes that’s the only way to really get it all out and even that might be better than bottling it up forever. Outside of that I do think maybe just actively trying to have a more positive mindset could help. I haven’t put this plan into action yet, but this is a theory of mine that if I just tell myself that I am happy, even if I don’t believe it, then I might start to feel more happy in general. I used to do a better job of this back in the day, but the longer I’ve been depressed the harder it has become to even muster the kind of energy needed to give off such positive vibes on days when I’m not feeling it.

I do hate to be negative, so all of that was not to say that I’m in a worse spot than I was last week or the week before that or even the month before that, because I’m not. My point is really that it’s okay to not be okay, though I’m still finding ways to deal with that myself. For people who are depressed, one or two happy days certainly won’t make it all go away, though it certainly doesn’t hurt to have those happy days become a more common occurrence. So ultimately what I’m always working towards is trying to get myself into a position in life where I can experience those happy days more often than the sad days, where happiness is more of the norm for me rather than the exception.

Not that I have the most time in the world to work with on top of working, running two YouTube channels and this blog, but I was wondering if there might not be even more ways for me to channel my experiences and feelings into something creative. Particularly, some form of creative writing is what I had in mind. My only concern with that is I’m not sure if I have the knack for it nowadays. Other than the one screenwriting class I took in college, I literally haven’t done any creative writing with any sort of consistency since grade school, so my confidence in putting together some worthwhile stories isn’t exactly there at the moment. But hey, couldn’t hurt to challenge myself, right? The only problem with that is, like I said, trying to fit that in on top of everything else I’m working on, when I already don’t have enough time to enjoy some of my other hobbies as much as I’d like to. But that’s definitely something I’ll be thinking about in the coming weeks.