Woof, I am exhausted. I can almost immediately feel the effect of pretty much doubling my workload and I feel like my free time is even more minimal than it was, but I guess that’s all part of why I need to work on striking a balance like I mentioned before. That being said, this tired feeling is not too unfamiliar to me because I used to put out daily videos when I just had my solo YouTube channel and even though I enjoyed it, it definitely could be draining at times. I’d often find myself getting home from work and then being too exhausted to do anything really productive. So I have that feeling coming over me again and that’s the kind of thing I’d really like to avoid if possible. I’d like to work on being more energized and healthy in general, and that’s where striking a balance can be challenging since so much of what I do with my free time honestly involves just sitting inside. But again, and I know I’ll be saying this a lot, but I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have even a platform (albeit small) to express myself. So I’ll work on finding that balance.

On an unrelated note, I still deal with moments of extreme sadness that just kind of spring on me from time to time. I guess that’s a given when you are depressed, though. That feeling is never really a gone, it just gets tucked away from time to time. It’s not always logical. I could be having a great time and then one stray thought enters my head and my mood crashes from it. In my very first blog I go into where a lot of my depression comes from, but it can mostly be boiled down to loneliness. I’ve just always struggled with a feeling of loneliness, and even when I find myself surrounded by more friends and supportive people, I struggle with feeling like I don’t quite belong. I’m unfortunately on a bit of a time crunch right now, but I’d definitely like to take some time and go more in-depth on some subjects like this, either on this blog or maybe even in a dedicated video. I feel like it can be really helpful just to hear someone else’s experiences with depression from time to time and I feel relatively comfortable opening up about it, so I will try to do so as soon as I can. Then again, I also have plenty of fun ideas I’d like to get around to as well! So we’ll see how I can mix it in with everything else.

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Taking Random BuzzFeed Quizzes | Tarqaron Discussion ft. Rusty
Survivor: All-Stars – Episode 18 (America’s Tribal Council) | Tarqaron Reaction
BLACKPINK: Light Up the Sky | Tarqaron Review
Watching my first reaction to Taeyeon 5 years later
Revisiting Boombayah by Blackpink

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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It feels a little weird being fully back in the swing of things with my solo channel, but I’m glad to be back at it! It’s been liberating being able to talk about such a wide variety of things through these different outlets and now I can’t imagine it any other way. It is really crazy looking at the list of videos I posted this week across two channels since this is the most output of content I’ve had pretty much ever. So while it is liberating to have these outlets, it’s also taking up a large majority of my free time so it will be challenging in that regard but I’m excited to challenge myself moving forward. I have pretty much a constant queue of videos to edit so it can be overwhelming but I definitely prefer that to having nothing queued up.

I had some really low moments this week where I found myself feeling like I was lost, similar to how I felt in the beginning of the year when I started this blog. I experience some really low lows sometimes, no doubt about it. And unfortunately I’ll probably be feeling lows like that at some point each week for the foreseeable future. But as annoying as it is to keep putting it out there in every blog, I do want to be as transparent as possible. All I can do is work towards a time when I can hopefully have nothing negative to say in at least one of these blogs. I cannot express enough how much I appreciate everyone who continues to be a positive force in my life, and everyone who continues to show me true kindness through both the good and the bad times. It’s thanks to these people that I am able to keep my head above water, along with the joy I get out of making videos/content. I am far from where I want to be, but I’m a lot better off than I could have been had I not had these positive forces in my life.

I feel bad putting out such short blogs, but to be frank my life isn’t actually all that exciting at the moment, so I feel like this is more palatable than going through excruciating detail about the monotony. But these weekly blogs serve as a reminder of where I’m at versus where I want to be, so they give me things to work towards while also being able to express my thought process and check in mentally. So in that way I am definitely grateful to this blog as a very different outlet for me! That being said, although most of my videos are more light-hearted in tone, I definitely have some ideas for more serious/vulnerable topics to go into on video as well, which might be worth exploring in the future. I have a lot of ideas I’m always bouncing in general, so stay tuned!

Videos I Posted This Week:

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Our February/March 2021 Favorites! | Tarqaron Discussion
Two years later, I’m still mad about Game of Thrones
Survivor: All-Stars – Episode 16 (FINALE!) | Tarqaron Reaction
Grace VanderWaal’s new style
Wolf vs. Bear | Tarqaron Review ft. Rusty
Stardew Valley is a gem
Survivor: All-Stars – Episode 17 (Reunion) | Tarqaron Reaction
Reacting to Y by Citizen Queen

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

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