Groove

Blog

Let’s talk about grooves. I’m not much of a dancer, but I know a thing or two about finding a groove. The odd thing about grooves, though, is that once you fall out of one, you might find yourself in a “funk.” I feel like that was the case with me doing videos on my solo channel a couple of years ago, and then with me doing videos on my solo channel a month ago. Once I get into doing videos consistently, I will stick to it for some period of time. But as soon as I fall off the horse and miss a week or two, then it all seems to halt. Now, as you can see below, it’s not like video production has halted for me at all. I have been pretty consistent with Tarqaron videos ever since its inception really, and that might because we have a specific scheduled time for that each week that we rarely stray from and therefore I always have something to work on for the channel. When I came back to my solo channel a couple of months ago I fully intended to post every week for the foreseeable future, and even though I knew it would be a lot of work on top of Tarqaron videos, I was determined to make it work. But something about this summer heat seemed to discourage me a bit from wanting to stuff myself in a small room more than I needed to. Then again, that’s why I wanted to film outside more often. I just need to figure out a better spot to do so.

So that’s what I mean by grooves. Once I find myself in a groove, I’m on fire. And with Tarqaron I have yet to really lose that groove, but it comes in waves with my solo channel, especially since I have to balance both. I hope to get back to solo videos soon enough, but that’s something that I’ve definitely come to notice, that once you fall off the horse it’s just so easy to stay off the horse. That’s maybe why I’ve been so determined to get this blog out on time every week for the past five months. Because maybe, just maybe if I miss one then I’ll start to miss them all. And I don’t want to start that domino effect if I can avoid it. This ties back into the idea of establishing a more consistent schedule and how that could be helpful in the long-run as well. Keeping myself in that groove is always good, which is why if I can get myself back in that groove then I will be golden.

Honestly I had one of my worst days mentally in a long time this past week. A couple of things triggered some weak points for me, I guess you could say, and it really weighed on me. As crushing as it felt on that day, I just went for a drive to give myself my own space to deal with everything and listened to some music to just let it all out. Sometimes it’s good to just let it all out. But hey, I had that rough day and now I try to just move on. Trying not to dwell on these things as much, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. One day at a time.

Videos I Posted This Week:

E3 2021: Capcom Review – Tarqaron
E3 2021: Nintendo Review – Tarqaron
E3 2021: Bandai Namco Review & Final Thoughts – Tarqaron
Survivor: Vanuatu Ep. 7 Reaction (Happy Rory) – Tarqaron
Shrek The Musical Review – Tarqaron
In the Heights Review – Tarqaron

Things I Enjoyed This Week:

In the Heights Review – Tarqaron

Film (Tarqaron), Reviews, Tarqaron

Shrek The Musical Review – Tarqaron

Film (Tarqaron), Reviews, Shrek, Tarqaron

Survivor: Vanuatu Ep. 7 Reaction (Happy Rory) – Tarqaron

Survivor, Survivor: Vanuatu, Tarqaron

Discussion:

Reaction Highlights:

E3 2021: Bandai Namco Review + Final Thoughts – Tarqaron

Gaming (Tarqaron), Reviews, Tarqaron

E3 2021: Nintendo Review – Tarqaron

Gaming (Tarqaron), Reviews, Tarqaron

E3 2021: Capcom Review – Tarqaron

Gaming (Tarqaron), Reviews, Tarqaron

Some Day

Blog

Watching In the Heights has really got me thinking about life and putting things in perspective, aha… The movie was such a treat from beginning to end but some of the themes really resonated with me and tie into things I’ve been thinking about anyway. It’s always tough for me to look at where I’m at in life and think about what could have been, had I just made a couple of changes here and there or pushed myself a little more.

Making videos is the one thing I’m passionate about at the moment, and I’m no where near being able to have that as a career, so I really have no idea what I want to do in life. It feels bad to say that, at almost 25. I’m at the age where I should be right in the thick of a young career and having the time of my life, but I just feel lost. It’s very similar to how I feel about my college experience, I feel like I’ll look back in a few years and really regret not using my time better. Toward the end of last year, I was struggling with depression but felt like I was on the verge of figuring my life out a bit. But the beginning of this year really kicked my ass mentally and set me back a few notches for sure. I initially felt like I had composed myself and made significant progress from where I was at the very beginning of the year, but have since uncovered how much I had really been affected by everything, even all these months later. I struggle to look forward to the future because I’m always worrying about the past, thinking about all of the regret I have collected. I wasted so much energy on people who never really cared about me, wasted so much time on unproductive nonsense, and wasted years when I could have been doing so much more with my life. I guess it’s stupid to live with regret because that doesn’t help me do what I need to do to move forward now, but I realistically can’t help myself.

I’ve always been an introspective person, but I find myself just thinking a lot recently, but probably to an unhealthy degree in the sense that I have become hypersensitive about every aspect of my life and the more thought I put into everything, the worse I tend to feel. I really hope I can be happy with myself and my life some day, because right now it is just so hard to see. Am I capable of happiness? Sure. Do I experience moments of happiness pretty much every day? Sure, but they just feel like momentary distractions from the reality of my situation rather than any actual reflection of my mental well-being, if that makes any sense. Some day happiness will be the norm for me rather than the exception. Some day.

I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank everyone who has been a positive force in my life in general, but in these past few months especially. Nowadays negativity can really take a toll on me so I try to cherish every positive interaction that I have.